sitting still....

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6/6/2006

Have you ever just sat up in the middle of the night, and couldn't get to sleep. I keep waking up at odd hours and can't get back to sleep. I usually stay up till after 11 p.m. because that is around the time Brock usually calls. Tonight my phone rang and it was him, we were talking about something and all of a sudden the phone call was lost and I don't know if I made him upset or if they turned of the phone, but now I am worried that Brock is mad at me and hope that he will call me back pretty soon.

Time is going by so slow that it seems like I am sitting still and that it seems like It's going to be forever till I see him again. I am nervous, anxious, excited and happy for him to come home. I don't know what to expect and I am cringing and worried sick that I may say or do something to make him wish he was still back in Iraq. I hope that it doesn' t happen, but I am just so nervous, I am trying really hard to not expect much, but it's really hard, not knowing alot of things.

I wish I could have been superwoman these past 18 months, I feel like I have really been stupid and haven't really don't anything great. I have managed to screw up on alot of things, I hope Brock will forgive me for, nothing major, just things that I have or haven't done that could have made our lives lots easier. I just hope we can work things out like adults and get on living our life together.

I can't wait to get him in my arms and to hold him.

By the way finally got Sadie and I's birthday cards from him!! A little late, but better than never!! I sure do love that man!!

2:03 AM | Blog it

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Lacey wrote:

You know I was just teasing about not sleeping. I do that all the time. I wake up and can't go back to sleep. I have started cleaning my house when I do that. That way I can get something done while I am up during the night. I actually have started to prefer that way of cleaning to daytime cleaning. No kids to get in the way!!! Anyways, life will be okay as long as you put forth the best effort that you can. If you half-ass it, then you will have a half-ass relationship. So just do your best and that's all that Brock can expect from you. You'll be fine!!

June 6

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