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3/30/2006 You might not ever guess....My sister sent this to me, it is some great information I wouldn't have known otherwise. I am so proud to know a hero or two personally. You Might Not Ever Guess Captain Kangaroo passed away on January 23, 2004 at age 76, which is odd, because he always looked to be 76. (DOB: 6/27/27) His death reminded me of the following story.
3/29/2006 Soon I hopeSoon I hope to hear a phone ringing, so that I can begin a conversation that starts with me telling him it's okay he waited so long to call, and that ends with I love you babe, I'll call as soon as I can. I just got an email from him as I am typing saying sorry, I'll call you right away. I am smiling now, like a little kid that knows it's Christmas. I get butterflies and am giddy as a girl that's just been kissed. I am so happy, truly I am I know now that despite anything we will make it. We are fine and we have an excellent marriage. I can't believe how much faster time flies when you don't focus on negative. I am always telling Brock we could have it so much worse. I am glad that we don't have kids with major health problems. Or that niether of us had kids previous to our marriage. I am not sure I could deal with some of the problems other couples are facing, alone with Brock gone. I do know that I need him and love him.
I am going to sign off now, hopefully getting a phone call here pretty soon. Goodnight all. 3/28/2006 I can't sleepSo you know what sucks... not being able to sleep. I have been a liitle sick today and slept a little to long this afternoon and now I am wide awake, but am drained of any energy I may have had to clean my house up. I think maybe tomarrow I'll be done with this little project I have been working on for a month and will be able to put my scrapbook stuff away for a few days. Till I start another. When I scrapbook I could do it all day, if I could.
Brock called me on Saturday and we talked for nearly 40 minutes and then... my battery started going dead or I could have talked longer. I felt so bad, and still do especially since he didn't call today like I thought he would. I know everythings okay, just it bugs me when he doesn't call cause then I worry about things that are way beyond my control.
Which brings me to another thing.. Why do I worry about everything. I mean I worry about stuff that doesn't matter. I will sit here and worry about stuff that it makes no sense to worry about because it's in the future. I I think I am just a worrier but I hate it. I want to stop cause it bugs Brock cause I will start talking about stuff and he's like why are we talking about it, it won't happen for another year or so.
I am so looking forward to July cause I know by then Brock will be home and we will be okay. I can't wait for that. I am getting so excited and I hope that time goes by fast. Well maybe I'll try to catch some more ZZZzzz's. Good night. 3/25/2006 why?why is it, that after I have an excellent conversation with my husband, I get off the phone go to bed for the night and have a nightmare. One that I hope never, ever comes true. Thursday night Brock called me, we talked for around 25 minutes and it was a nice conversation just updating him on things that had happened during the days since he had last called and talking about what we are doing when he gets home just normal stuff. I get off the phone and go to bed. Sleep doesn't come fast, but finally it comes...
I am waiting excitedly for Brock's plane to arrive, he's home safe atlast, Finally it gets to where it's supposed to and everyone gets off the plane. Everyone except Brock, so I think maybe there's another plane and he will come in on the next one, but just to be sure I go ask someone where Brock is, In my dream some guy just says "Hey, look he got killed in Iraq, we just didn't tell you till now." So here my family and his and the kids and I are waiting excitedly and he's not coming home. I go home and suddenly I am walking down the highway with my cousin and her boyfriend and we are talking about how sad it is. I mean in the dream it wasn't as real as some dreams I have had so I know that it's not going to happen, but that my sub-conscious is trying to deal with the what-ifs.
So it got me thinking about how much time we all waste on the what if's. I myself somedays sob myself to sleep with the what if's. I try not to but every so often I let myself attempt to deal with them. What if this happened, what if that happened Oh my god, what if the worst happens. So I am going to set a goal to not let the what-ifs ruin my dreams anymore. I hope that from now on I'll dream positive dreams. I know I might have a few when I get stressed about something, but I am going to try to limit myself with the what-if's crying. Well atleast for now..... 3/20/2006 NEMOYou know I love the movie Finding Nemo. The kids and I just went with Brock's parents and his younger Brother Brayden to NEMO on ice. Oh it was so much fun. I guess maybe the reason I like it so much is cause it has made Sadie more aware of her daddy being gone but just because he is gone doesn't mean he doesn't care and she started talking about missing him more after she watched NEMO the first time.
I am glad that my kids were so good when we went. They got spoiled of course Sadie got a light with Crush and Squirt on it that twirls and a T-shirt with Dory on it, a nemo coloring book pictures with Nemo, and a book about nemo. She also got 2 Nemo hats and cotton candy. Carter got a Bruce the Shark T-shirt that he loves, and a Bruce sword that lights up. He also got a Bruce hat and a Nemo hat and cotton candy also, and Carter and I got our pictures taken with Bruce. They were really spoiled. It was so great of them to buy our Hotel room, the tickets to get in and almost all the stuff that they got that day. I am truly greatful for all they and my family does for us.
I had to make potato salad last night when I got home for Brock's grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary that was tonight. We sure suprized them. Brock's dad told them that we were doing a special program for Brock and the 222nd it was a lie, but we knew we could get them to come to town if we told them that. So when they walked it, they were shocked. They were so suprized. I really miss Brock at times like these cause I know they'll never celebrate 50 years again and I know he'd have loved to be here for it.
Speaking of Brock he called me this morning to find out how NEMO was and we talked about the usuall stuff, he is starting to get anxious to get home, I am getting so excited 2 - 2 1/2 months and he'll be home safe and sound. I am sooo looking forward to the military life being a thing of the past. I can't wait to give him a big hug welcoming him home.
I guess I best be getting to bed now, since it's almost 1 a.m. I hate sleeping alone. I am still not used to it, even after 15 months of it plus the other 6 months from when he was activated and went to FT. Lewis, WA. Boy I will be glad to feel his arms around me when I sleep, but for now I am off to sleep only to dream of his arms around me. 3/16/2006 I'm one lucky girl...So yesterday around noon my honey called me to tell me he loved my extensions and to talk. It was so nice to hear his voice. He is on 24 hour shifts so he only gets to call every other day, unless he's really tired then it's longer than that. He then called me later last night around 10 p.m. to ask me to send some more pictures. I have kinda been slackin' off on sending him pictures, but I actually sent him some last night so he should be okay for a few days. I just am such a lucky girl to have him, he is a sweetheart and I can't wait till I can wrap my arms around him and give him a big hug and kiss to welcome him home.
I am going to clean the house and finish my laundry today since tomarrow we are heading up for SLC to spend the night and to go to NEMO on Ice on Saturday morning with Brock's parents. Sadie is so excited. Well I best start cleaning. 3/14/2006 SO the phone finally rang...The phone finally rang yesterday while I was at my parents house, it was Brock. I couldn't have been more relieved, he said he'd just been so tired after his two 24hr. shifts plus his workouts that he had to sleep. I understand, but sometimes it's really hard not to hear from him in that long. He even emailed me the pictures on the blog, and some more but he's in his undies and I don't think he'd like me to put those out there for all to see. So the countdown will soon be over on this deployment. Three more months and He should either be home in the U.S. or on his way. I will be so relieved to get the phone call that he's back here in the U.S. probably at Camp Shelby. Wow, it's amazing how much your love can grow over time, even if you aren't seeing the person for a long time. It sure makes me appreciate everything he does for me when he's here. He and I have made the decision together that he isn't going to re-up. It was hard when they are willing to pay you money just to sign some papers, alot of money actually. But Brock doesn't want to, since he will be getting his peterbilt in July, and it's just too hard sometimes to get home on the weeks that he has drill. I am okay with whatever decision he makes, even if he changed his mind that would be okay, I highly doubt he will but whatever, he does I am behind him 100%.
So the past few nights Carter has been wanting to sleep out of his crib, with Sadie. I think we might be buying a new bed sooner than we thought. Sadie is pretty much potty trained, she's had a few accidents, but she even makes it through the night. I am so glad. Now Carter thinks he needs too. So I may have to start on him in a month or so. Carter has been saying alot of new words he said two and Sadie and lots of others, but they are both getting so big.
Yesterday, I went in to get an IUD put in, since my last one came out. My doctor put the things in and couldn't put them even half as far as they are supposed to be in my uterus, he says I have a tipped uterus. He is surprised I didn't have a hard time getting pregnant with my kids, but I don't remember having problems when my last one was put in, so it must have just tipped in the last year. I now know why I have cramps alot, even when it's not that time of the month. So today I am feeling like crap. But the good news is my dr. gave me the new birth control Seasonal that gives you only 4 periods a year or whatever so I am excited for that. I didn't want the shots so I chose this. I hope I like it.
Well the kids are asking for a snack so I better get them one. 3/13/2006 WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD FROM YOU????Why Haven't I Heard From You Lyrics
Artist(Band):Reba Mcentire Well back in 1876 an ol' boy named Bell
Invented a contraption that we know so well By the 1950's they're in everybodys home It's a crazy little thing they call a telephone Now there's one in every corner,in the back of every bar You can get one in your briefcase,on a plane or in your car Chorus: So tell me why,haven't I,heard from you Tell me why,haven't I,heard from you I said now darlin',honey,what is your excuse Why haven't I heard from you Well there's no problem gettin to me baby you can dial direct I got call forward and call waitin' you can even call collect the service man he told me that my phone was workin' fine And I have come to the conclusion trouble isn't with my line I'm sure the operator will be glad to put you through So dial zero for assisstance if this all confuses you Chorus: So tell me why,haven't I,heard from you Tell me why,haven't I,heard from you I said now darlin',honey,what is your excuse Why haven't I heard from you There'd better be a flood A landslide of mud A fire that burns up the wires And thunder so loud with black funnel cloud A natural disaster I know nothin about Chorus: Tell my why,haven't I,heard from you Tell me why,haven't I,heard from you,yeah I said now darlin',honey,what is your excuse Why haven't I heard from you Chorus: Tell me why,haven't I,heard from you Tell me why,haven't I,heard from you I said now darlin',honey,what is your excuse Why haven't I heard from you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you.
So, if you haven't guessed it by now, I haven't heard from Brock in a few days and I am kinda upset over it. I know he'll call soon I just wish he wouldn't wait four days or five days to do so. I wish he was in the U.S. so atleast I could call him. Unfortuantely that doesn't work for now. But soon it will. I am glad we are coming to the end of the deployement, it seems like it hasn't been so long somedays, but others like now when I haven't heard from Brock in a while makes it drag on and on and seem like it will be forever.
So I am going to be slightly busy this week, I am getting my IUD put in tomarrow so that it will be already in by the time I find out when he comes home so it will be one less thing to do in a hurry. I also am going to Nemo on Ice Saturday, we are leaving friday and staying overnight and going shopping and stuff. I am going with the in-laws. I hope Sadie and Carter like it. We are also busy planning a surprize 50th wedding anniversary for Brock's grandparents. I am in charge of a photo slide show of the two of them, which is almost done, and to bring a big bowl of Potato Salad, Yummy!! it's my favorite. I am getting excited for it all. I hope to hear from Brock but for now I am going to bed. 3/9/2006 Just another day...It really wasn't just another day today. This week I have taken it upon myself to potty train Sadie. I mean she is almost three. I hate the fact that she is getting so big, I feel so old. I truly sympathize with people who have older kids. If nothing else is true this should be, that you know your older when your kids birthdays make you feel older than your own. I was looking at pictures of Sadie today from when she was just newborn and wow she has sure changed alot. Carter has too. I miss the things when they are tiny, nothing can compare than when you hold your children in your arms for the first time I sometimes am so baby hungry I would pull all my teeth out to have one right now, but I am so glad that I don't have a tiny one with Brock being gone. I think we are waiting atleast 2 years after he gets back before we even try for another one I am so wore out from these past few years. I am glad that we are on the last stretch of this and soon my husband will be safe in my arms.
So today my mother in law calls me and asks me over for dinner, nothing new it happens every other day or more often. Then I get there and she is serving meatloaf, my 2nd favorite food. I was feeling fantabulous then she told me that Brock's grandma and grandpa will be married for 50 years on the 17th and that Brock's grandma feels like her marriage is a farse. I feel so bad for her, really I do. It's just that now we are all hurrying up to plan their party/dinner and I wish that we could have done this a long time ago. So as we are talking about this I got to thinking that since Brock doesn't have any sisters I will probably get the duty of planning their 50th Wedding Anniversary, which I am way cool with it's just weird to think that far ahead and to hope that I am way better then at planning things than I am now. I am in no way looking forward to planning something 25 years from now, wow talk about being old I'll almost be 50 then, I sure hope I make it till then.
So Brock is guessing they should be home sometime in June. I am hoping for anytime before July. I am stressing over Girls Camp, hoping that I get all the stuff planned and prepared for the next meeting. I am glad my mom is helping (since she is the YW's President). Oh well I am tired and have a headache from h-e- double hockey sticks. 3/1/2006 why me??Okay I got my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday morning, all went okay and the healing process is well on its way so far. I wish though that I would have got them out a long time ago. I am sick of being sick and I am tired of feeling that way. I haven't heard from Brock in a few days and I am ready to wrap my fingers around his neck and well you know...
I am sick of this whole military thing. Eventhough this deployment is coming to an end, I am still mad. I mean 2 years of my life have been wasted because some retards in another country hate us. I am sick of having to rely on Brock's family and mine for support because the person that's suppose to give it to me isn't here. I hate that Brock ever signed the dang papers in the first place. In Novemeber we will have been married for 4 years and he will have been deployed for 2 of them. I am looking forward to June cause he will be home.
Well he better email me or call me soon or he's gonna be in trouble, YEAH RIGHT!!! He's the boss and he know's it. |
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